Gambling Jokes

Jokes about gambling make us laugh, because the image of some of these things actually happening next to us in the casino is outrageously funny.

A man was walking along a lonely beach. Suddenly he heard a deep voice commands, ‘Dig.’

He looks around: but there’s nobody's about. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: ‘I said, dig.’

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: ‘Open.’

The man finds a rock and smashes the lock,. When the chest is finally open, he sees a huge hoard of gold coins.

The deep voice says: ‘To the casino’

The man jumps in his car and drives the few miles to the nearest casino.

The deep voice says: ‘Roulette.’

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says: ‘27’

The man places the whole lot on number 27. The roulette table nearly erupts with excitement. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.

The ball spins round and around and around then eventually stops on number 26.

‘SHIT!’ snapped the deep voice.

Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. I was such a fool. Please forgive me. Your absence is breaking my heart. Nobody could ever take your place. I love you with all my heart.
Please take me back into your heart, Wilma.
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

Bill was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the swine, ‘What right have you got to be making love to my wife?’

‘You may as well know that I am in love with her and I would like to marry her.’ the man answered calmly, ‘I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.’

‘Okay,’ replied Bill, ‘but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point as well?’